Because grief doesn’t follow a schedule—and neither should you.
There’s this unspoken pressure after a loss—the idea that at some point, you should be “moving on.”
But if you’re still in pain, still replaying memories, still waking up with that ache in your chest—please know: you’re not doing it wrong.
Grief is deeply personal.
It doesn’t show up in neat little timelines. It doesn’t disappear after a certain number of weeks or stages. And sometimes, it’s not about moving on at all—it’s about learning how to carry the loss, day by day.
At Anchor Health, we support people through all phases of grief, especially the ones that feel invisible or misunderstood. In this blog, we’ll explore the stages of grief, what they actually mean (and don’t mean), and how to navigate your own path—no matter where you are.
What are the 5 stages of grief?
The five stages of grief were first introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross as a way to describe common emotional responses to loss. These stages aren’t meant to be followed in order—or even experienced by everyone. They’re simply one framework for understanding what grief might feel like.
Here’s a breakdown of the five stages of grief:
- Denial: “This isn’t really happening.” Denial can be a protective response that helps you cope with the initial shock of loss.
- Anger: “Why did this happen?” You might feel rage, resentment, or frustration. Anger often masks deeper emotions like pain or helplessness.
- Bargaining: “If I had just done something differently…” This stage includes thoughts filled with “what ifs” and “if onlys.”
- Depression: “This hurts more than I can bear.” Sadness, isolation, and emotional heaviness are common in this stage.
- Acceptance: “This is my reality now.” Acceptance doesn’t mean being “okay” with what happened—it means learning to live alongside it.
It’s important to note: you might skip stages. You might revisit them. You might experience them all at once. There’s no “correct” way through the stages of grief—just your way.
What are the 7 levels of grief?
Some grief models expand on the original five stages to include seven levels of grief. This version offers more nuance around what people may experience emotionally and mentally after loss.
The seven levels of grief are:
- Shock & Denial
- Pain & Guilt
- Anger & Bargaining
- Depression, Reflection, Loneliness
- The Upward Turn (a subtle shift toward steadier emotions)
- Reconstruction & Working Through
- Acceptance & Hope
Again, these levels aren’t a checklist—they’re a map of possible experiences. They help name the many emotional shifts that happen over time.
The stages of grief—whether five, seven, or more—aren’t a ladder you climb. They’re more like waves that come and go. And sometimes, they circle back when you least expect it.
What is the most painful stage of grief?
This is a question we hear often. And while every person experiences the stages of grief differently, many describe depression or loneliness as the most painful phase.
This stage can feel like:
- Waking up with heaviness
- Feeling disconnected from others
- Wondering if joy will ever return
- Avoiding social spaces that used to feel safe
- Carrying a quiet sorrow that doesn’t go away
But the most painful stage isn’t always the most obvious one. Sometimes, it’s the anger that surprises you. Sometimes, it’s the guilt. Sometimes, it’s the fear that if you stop grieving, you’re somehow forgetting the person you lost.
Whatever stage you’re in—if it feels painful, it’s valid. And you don’t need to minimize that just because someone else thinks you “should” be in a different place.
What shouldn’t you do while grieving?
When you’re navigating the stages of grief, well-meaning advice can be overwhelming. People might encourage you to “stay strong,” “keep busy,” or “move on.” But not all advice is helpful. In fact, some responses to grief can make things harder.
Here are a few things to gently avoid if you can:
- Don’t rush yourself. Grief takes time. If you’re not ready to “let go,” that’s okay. Healing doesn’t happen on a schedule.
- Don’t numb every feeling. It’s okay to take breaks from grief—but if you’re constantly avoiding it through overworking, substance use, or emotional shutdown, it may be time to reach out for help.
- Don’t compare your grief to others. Your journey is yours. What’s hard for you may be different from someone else—and that doesn’t make it less real.
- Don’t isolate completely. Solitude can be healing, but connection helps too. You don’t have to talk about your grief—just being around safe people can make a difference.
- Don’t assume you “should” be over it. The stages of grief aren’t linear. And “moving on” doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to live with the love and the loss.
Grief isn’t something you conquer. It’s something you carry. And some days, the weight is heavier than others.
Final Thoughts: It’s Okay Not to Be Okay
If you’re still in pain…
If you’re still not ready to “move on”…
If the stages of grief feel more like a loop than a line…
You are not alone.
At Anchor Health, we believe grief deserves time, care, and compassion. You don’t need to be fixed. You don’t need to be “over it.” You just need support to walk through it, at your own pace.
We see your pain. We honor your love. And we’re here for you through every stage—whether you’re in denial, rage, silence, or deep sorrow.
There is no right way to grieve. Only your way. And we’re here to walk it with you.